Help for Billy- The Meat

Love, love, love.

Sounds so simple. Surely all teachers have a loving heart- especially toward children. The book Help for Billy has a reigning theme of love as the single biggest factor in what will transform Billy from an explosive child who makes poor choices and who cannot regulate his emotions or reactions to a more calm, rational child who learns and grows. Love, understanding and support. And a great deal of it.
A strong traditional classroom management plan that uses rewards and consequences does not work to change Billy's explosive behavior, poor choices and work avoidance. Love will. As well as connection and support. Remember, Billy was not cared for properly when he was an infant and toddler. He lives in survival mode only caring about the next 15 seconds at a time. Consequences and right from wrong are not part of his 'in the moment' thought process. But you can help him and guide him to feel safe and begin choosing more appropriate responses to the things that brings Billy stress. Accept and understand Billy, love him, and move him forward starting from square one. You can make a difference. Do know it is not going to be easy. Help for Billy says it can take 6 to 8 months in your loving care. Read on to hear about a super cute, different, relationship based classroom management plan great for lower elementary. I LOVED this idea!

Billy Needs You! Notes from Chapters 4 and 5

Billy...Billy is the name the book Help for Billy uses to describe the student placed in your classroom who you are dreading having in the fall. Hopefully my previous blog posts have given you some insight as to why Billy behaves as he does. And what to do. Hopefully now you think you may be able to work with his unpredictable behavior in a new way. You will not judge, shame and lecture him, as his teachers in the past have done, but you will strive to be a support for him. Billy was never nurtured and soothed as a baby. He did not learn to deal with his feelings and he did not have someone there who cared or who answered his cries. His neglected upbringing wired his brain to live in a state of fear and overwhelm. Understanding this you make a goal to hear him out when he gets upset, and to do your best to have a connected relationship with him- both of which he has never experienced before. This is good news for Billy. But the bad news is, Billy needs more than that.

Changing the Cycle of Unpredictable Behavior with "Billy"

Top of the morning to ya! Yesterday's blog post was about changing how we deal with the "Billys" in our classrooms. "Billy" is the child who was not tended to as a baby. His cries were not heard, and needs were not met resulting in Billy living in a state of fear and overwhelm as his normal. He comes to school as child with an unstable foundation which schools try to build upon with rigorous academic and social expectations. Billy struggles to behave, concentrate, make friends and follow along. He functions in survival mode. The part of his brain that focuses on the next 15 seconds of life dictates his actions and choices. Billy can't plan ahead and reason through his responses. Due to his upbringing, he is not wired that way. Behavior plans don't work to keep Billy in line. He needs something different.

When Billy is losing it, he needs to be understood, heard, and empathized with. He needs to know he is not alone, and he is safe. He needs his feelings to be validated- he does not need to be reasoned with or reminded of the rules he broke. It goes like this:

Billy could not find a partner and is hiding under a table. He was yelling but now has shut down. He does not worry about how he looks to the other kids in the classroom. He perceives them as a threat, anyway. He feels unloved, unwanted, and stupid.
Teacher, "Billy, I see you are upset and angry right now. I would be too. It was not a good feeling to not know who your partner was going to be."
Billy, "Go away!"
Teacher, "This is upsetting you, I can see. I will be over here when you want to talk to me. Take your time."
Billy, "I hate school."
Teacher, "That must make your stomach upset to feel hate. Does your stomach hurt?"

Keep in mind Billy's past if you feel like you are coddling. He does not have an upbringing of nurturing. Most mothers treat their infants this way when they cry out and Billy needs this foundation. He will move forward from here, eventually. He needs to learn what a connected and trusting relationship feels like, first.

This truly worked for me at home with my adult daughter. Read on for my personal story.

What Does Work for Billy- How to Reach Billy

I'm excited to be back to share with you, what will work for kids like Billy. "Billy" is the kid that you are getting in the fall, and who you were hoping was placed in another classroom. Let's be honest. No one prays they get Billy. He has an unpredictable and explosive personality and does not respond to typical behavior plans. Yes, you have a place in your heart for Billy. If you didn't you would have never become a teacher. But you know the year is going to be a challenge with him.
Billy has been imprinted with chronic stress and overwhelm due to his upbringing where he was not loved, attended to and nurtured. He frequently fights or flees and it is hard to predict when because what we see as non-threatening, Billy perceives as a threat. A simple direction can set him off. He operates from the limbic system of his brain which focuses on 15 seconds of life at a time, Billy can therefore change on a dime. So, how can we help to change this disruptive cycle?  Read on.

Back on board with Help for Billy (to chapter 3)

Last June I got a tip on a good summer read, Help for Billy, which is about understanding and working with the most challenging of students- those who respond unpredictably with a fight or flight response. In short, this book has changed my entire outlook on what is going on with these kids, how to respond, and I am only half-way through the book! I can even credit this book with enabling me to have a better relationship with my 22-year-old daughter. I am so happy to be able to share what I have learned with you. Read on for my notes.