Changing the Cycle of Unpredictable Behavior with "Billy"

Top of the morning to ya! Yesterday's blog post was about changing how we deal with the "Billys" in our classrooms. "Billy" is the child who was not tended to as a baby. His cries were not heard, and needs were not met resulting in Billy living in a state of fear and overwhelm as his normal. He comes to school as child with an unstable foundation which schools try to build upon with rigorous academic and social expectations. Billy struggles to behave, concentrate, make friends and follow along. He functions in survival mode. The part of his brain that focuses on the next 15 seconds of life dictates his actions and choices. Billy can't plan ahead and reason through his responses. Due to his upbringing, he is not wired that way. Behavior plans don't work to keep Billy in line. He needs something different.

When Billy is losing it, he needs to be understood, heard, and empathized with. He needs to know he is not alone, and he is safe. He needs his feelings to be validated- he does not need to be reasoned with or reminded of the rules he broke. It goes like this:

Billy could not find a partner and is hiding under a table. He was yelling but now has shut down. He does not worry about how he looks to the other kids in the classroom. He perceives them as a threat, anyway. He feels unloved, unwanted, and stupid.
Teacher, "Billy, I see you are upset and angry right now. I would be too. It was not a good feeling to not know who your partner was going to be."
Billy, "Go away!"
Teacher, "This is upsetting you, I can see. I will be over here when you want to talk to me. Take your time."
Billy, "I hate school."
Teacher, "That must make your stomach upset to feel hate. Does your stomach hurt?"

Keep in mind Billy's past if you feel like you are coddling. He does not have an upbringing of nurturing. Most mothers treat their infants this way when they cry out and Billy needs this foundation. He will move forward from here, eventually. He needs to learn what a connected and trusting relationship feels like, first.

This truly worked for me at home with my adult daughter. Read on for my personal story.

What Does Work for Billy- How to Reach Billy

I'm excited to be back to share with you, what will work for kids like Billy. "Billy" is the kid that you are getting in the fall, and who you were hoping was placed in another classroom. Let's be honest. No one prays they get Billy. He has an unpredictable and explosive personality and does not respond to typical behavior plans. Yes, you have a place in your heart for Billy. If you didn't you would have never become a teacher. But you know the year is going to be a challenge with him.
Billy has been imprinted with chronic stress and overwhelm due to his upbringing where he was not loved, attended to and nurtured. He frequently fights or flees and it is hard to predict when because what we see as non-threatening, Billy perceives as a threat. A simple direction can set him off. He operates from the limbic system of his brain which focuses on 15 seconds of life at a time, Billy can therefore change on a dime. So, how can we help to change this disruptive cycle?  Read on.

Back on board with Help for Billy (to chapter 3)

Last June I got a tip on a good summer read, Help for Billy, which is about understanding and working with the most challenging of students- those who respond unpredictably with a fight or flight response. In short, this book has changed my entire outlook on what is going on with these kids, how to respond, and I am only half-way through the book! I can even credit this book with enabling me to have a better relationship with my 22-year-old daughter. I am so happy to be able to share what I have learned with you. Read on for my notes.

LOVE, LOVE, Help for Billy (Chapter 3, part 1)

Enough already of my LAZY behavior this morning! It is just soooooo addicting.
On to Helping Billy. Chapter 3 was sooo juicy that I have to break my notes for you up into 2 sections. I know how ADHD some teachers can be so little pieces at a time works best, right? (Speaking for myself here- and this will hardly be little!)

The human brain fascinates me. I love to read as much as I can about brain function and learning. Chapter 3 is about the 3 general parts of the brain. In short (as short as I can make it, anyway) the first part of the brain is the brain stem which runs what keeps us alive: heartbeat, breathing, etc. There is no shaping this part of the brain. It does what it does.
Next, and most important to understand as it relates to challenging students, is the limbic system which handles mood, memory, attention, emotions, pleasure, fear, relationships, fight or flight responses...The limbic system also records memories of good and bad experiences and behaviors. It is important to know that this area of the brain handles only the next 15 seconds of life and moment-to-moment survival. I'll get back to this.
Finally, the third area is what separates us from animals- the neocortex or the rational brain. This is where learning takes place, imagination, planning...Morals and ethics reside here. Hindsight, foresight, and insight. Right vs. wrong. And MUCH more.
Most and "good" students go about their day with the neocortex in charge. They can choose to delay responses after thinking them through. This part of the brain allows us to let an unimportant argument go, or to talk things out. It tells us that hard work pays off in the long run. It helps us work toward a goal. Or holds anticipated fears in check (You will be in trouble with Dad when he gets home!). Consequences are registered in the neocortex. Making decisions for the good of all happens here.
What comes next in the chapter, made so much sense! Read on for how all of this relates to challenging students.

Breakfast over Billy

Ahhhhh, summertime- when you can push the snooze three times just for fun. You are probably wondering why a teacher would even set an alarm in the summer, but I would literally sleep the morning away if I didn't.
Stumbling through my empty nest, careful not to trip over old Louie (15 in August!) who is comatose smack in the middle of the foyer, I pour my morning coffee and dislodge a small rock stuck to the bottom of my foot. Private Selection moca blend is my personal heaven. After shutting up my fat cat with a slice of turkey, and letting out my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, I head to my recliner and wrap in a fuzzy blanket. I adore Michigan summer mornings when it is actually cold. 
Welcome to my book study series: Helping Billy.
Read on for my notes about chapters 1 and 2.