What Does Work for Billy- How to Reach Billy

I'm excited to be back to share with you, what will work for kids like Billy. "Billy" is the kid that you are getting in the fall, and who you were hoping was placed in another classroom. Let's be honest. No one prays they get Billy. He has an unpredictable and explosive personality and does not respond to typical behavior plans. Yes, you have a place in your heart for Billy. If you didn't you would have never become a teacher. But you know the year is going to be a challenge with him.
Billy has been imprinted with chronic stress and overwhelm due to his upbringing where he was not loved, attended to and nurtured. He frequently fights or flees and it is hard to predict when because what we see as non-threatening, Billy perceives as a threat. A simple direction can set him off. He operates from the limbic system of his brain which focuses on 15 seconds of life at a time, Billy can therefore change on a dime. So, how can we help to change this disruptive cycle?  Read on.


In Help for Billy, Forbes discusses how to settle Billy's system down from a state of heightened fear and stress to calm and balanced. We must work with Billy at the level of the limbic system of his brain. Billy fights or flees so we must address that realm of thinking to calm and make Billy feel safe. Sticker charts, card flips, and behavior tallys are beyond that way of thinking and are processed in the neocortex (logic, planning, reasoning part of the brain) so those techniques of behavior modification are not immediate enough to make a difference in Billy's choices. But, Billy can change and it all starts with- I am sure you have already guessed it- relationships. Now, don't give up on me. If you have taught for any length of time, you have heard this before. I had heard this before. But this book has more to share. Let me continue.
Billy has lost his recess due to hitting a child in the morning. It is time for the class to go out and you know good and well, Billy is going to have another reaction that is sure to land him in the office. Try to approach Billy in this way:
"Billy this is going to be hard for you but you will not be going outside with the class." 
"That's not fair!"
"This is bad, isn't it? Tell me how you feel right now."
"I didn't do anything! I am being good now!"
"I hear how mad you are. I would be mad too! It is a super bummer to have to stay in."
"You are MEAN. Everyone hates me!"
"I feel bad for you, Billy. I do not hate you. I am sorry for this."
Then, offer some love and nurturing such as, "Can I get you some drawing paper? I'd like you to have something to do."

Does this sounds like coddling to you? Prior to reading Help for Billy, I'd have taken that opinion as well. The difference is that Billy's perceptions and brain were not formed normally like a wanted child from a loving, nurturing home. He lives in a state of survival and heightened fear. He has not had this type of love and nurturing before or he just needs more of it. He has not been taught to handle disappointment. It is time someone teaches him. Without reminders of right from wrong, and the earlier infraction, deal with and discuss the 15 seconds Billy is living in at the moment. Be a listener. Work it out so you can stay with him through this. Get him to a calm state. Give Billy the experience of what it is like to be in a connected relationship for maybe the first time in his life.

Please stay with me for more on this amazing book, Help for Billy by Heather T. Forbes. Till next time!